A Snake's Life Page 16

  * * *

  I left the tortoise after once again eating my fill, and sleeping for a while. After dropping over the edge and unfurling my wings. I flew as far as the wind currents would take me, then I would stop to rest. On the first day of traveling, I easily covered seventy miles. However, from then onwards my traveling speed was greatly reduced as I slowly ran out of high places to glide from, so I wound up traveling by land for most of the day.

  Eventually, my hunger made its return, so I was forced to travel even slower than I had been because of my need to eat. Since I couldn’t find any animals wandering around, I resorted to eating stones and loose soil. But, because of my new gluttony trait, I needed to eat more now, than I ever had before. I easily consumed several tons of stone and soil during the course of a day and whenever I would stop to rest for the night, it was to the uncomfortable feeling of stones sitting in my gut.

  “I need real food, not this poor substitute…” I sighed after laying down to sleep one night. My stomach had been clenching uncomfortably for hours and I was slowly losing my patience with this place… And at that moment, I felt something I’d not felt since I came here.

  My tongue had been ‘tasting’ the air like it always did when it picked up on the sweat of a living creature. What this creature was, I couldn’t know, as I’d never tasted such an odd thing before. It tasted like a perfect blend of flesh and stone… Whatever this creature was, I didn’t care as long as I could use it to satiate my hunger. Well, so long as it didn’t try to use me for the same purpose.

  I followed the creatures ‘scent’ for approximately a mile, and I eventually arrived at the mouth of a large cave embedded in the side of a large hill. Upon looking inside, I realized that the floor led into a gradual slope that eventually ended in complete darkness.

  I cautiously stuck my head inside and activated my heat sensing… to my surprise, I was able to detect several small creatures moving around inside. But, that’s not all I found inside the cave. A network of tunnels that seemed to stretch on for miles greeted me as I was following the little creatures deeper inside.

  I looked around and after a few minutes in the surprisingly lit up tunnels, I snapped up one of the creatures that happened to pass by me, then proceeded to head down one the tunnels.

  “Food, Food, here I come~”

  Chapter 26

  I moved through the twisting tunnels for hours, before I came to an area with enough light to actually see what I was eating. Of course, the pop-up also helped.

  You have eaten the following race for the first time. Stone Kobold: Tier 2

  These creatures were tiny reptilian humanoids. They were perhaps the smallest race I’d ever seen, with the majority of them standing only a little over three feet tall. Though there were exceptions to this, as I’d both seen and eaten several that were much larger. These must have been variations in the race, however, as they also looked slightly different.

  The few ‘variants’ I’d seen, must have been twice the size of their smaller cousins and stood over six feet tall. The normal kobolds had an odd assortment of scales, in a wide variety of colors. And on top of their scales was a stone substance that covered them like a second set of scales. While the ‘variants’ were monochrome, as they all had burnt orange scales with the same stone-like covering. Also… none of them liked me intruding in the ‘nest’ or so I heard one of them scream before I ate him….

  “Mmm… Eggs.” Obviously, a nest meant eggs, especially for a reptilian race, so I was on my way to help myself to them. When my path was blocked by a small army of kobolds. The leader of this army was a large green Kobold standing at about twelve feet tall. He, like all other kobolds before him, wore simple rags for clothes. Apparently, a brown tunic and pants were the standard outfit in this ‘nest’. Though this kobold also wore a bone helmet… that looked strangely like a kobold skull. However, unlike the other kobolds, who were unarmed. This one carried a long staff with a stone spearhead on the end.

  It stepped forward and slammed the butt of its spear on the floor of the cave, then shouted at me. “Halt serpent! You shall not intrude in our nest any longer!”

  I quirked a phantom eyebrow at the creature. “Oh?”

  The kobold leader and its army took a step back in surprise at my response. Then, they hardened their visage and simultaneously took two steps forward.

  “Did you practice that or does it come naturally?” I questioned with a tilt of my head.

  The leader’s eyes hardened even further at the remark, then he snarled. “No!” He paused to shake his head, causing the skull to rattle a little, then he continued. “If you’re smart enough to understand me, then know this serpent. Our god will not let you bully us like this!”

  I nodded my head. “That’s nice of them.”

  My apparent agreement threw him off, and his jaw hung loose for a few seconds. He shook his head, then asked. “Then, you’ll leave us alone?”

  I phantom smile appeared on my face. Oh, of course… Though, I do have some questions. Would you mind answering them?”

  The moment I answered in the affirmative, I could tell his ego had inflated. He pulled his shoulders back, puffed out his chest, and showed me a cocky smirk.

  “Ask your questions, then begone, serpent.”

  I nodded my head again. “Of course… First question, can any of you mine the metal inside a Magma Tortoise?”

  His smirk slightly faded, and he growled out. “No, those damn goblins have laid claim to the tortoise mines and refuse to allow us entry. They’ve even tried to take our mountain before, but as they fear our god, they gave up and now leave us alone.”

  “Oh, that’s not very nice… Any idea where I can find them?”

  He narrowed his eyes into slits. “Why do you want to know?”

  I ‘shrugged’ and replied. “Figured I would teach them to be ‘nice’. As a symbol of my apology to you and your people.”

  His smirked returned, and he let out a laugh. “Ha! Maybe you aren’t so bad, after all!” He continued to laugh for a few seconds then said after calming down a little. “Ahh… They can be found a few mountains to the east of here. Just look out for the giant totem poles and the awful smell, and you’ll find the bastards.”

  I nodded my head in thanks, then asked the second question. “Thank you for the information. My second question is… Who exactly, is your god?”

  The kobold turned to his army and yelled. “Who do we serve!?”

  The army stomped their feet and unanimously yelled: “Nargas, The Devourer!” The cave echoed from their shout and He turned back to me with an even bigger smile.

  “Does that answer your question?”

  “It does indeed.” I said, with what I hoped to be a pleasant smile on my face. Then I asked my last question. “My final question is… Where is this ‘god’ of yours?”

  The kobold leader’s smile slightly fell at my final question, but nevertheless, he answered. “He’s… He’s outside the mountain.”

  I stared at him after his answer…. Then I showed off my massive teeth. “Well then, if he’s out there, and I’m in here….There’s nothing stopping me from doing this, is there?” I opened my ‘eyes’, just as he realized something was about to happen.

  They had been so fixated on staring me down, that not a single one had bothered to turn away and instead had shown unity with their leader, by staring me in the eye…. So, when I opened my eyes and used my petrification ability. Line by line, and row by row… The kobold army turned to stone, a permanent expression of false bravado etched into their faces.

  “Well… time to eat~” I scooped up tens of the creatures with every bite, and I didn’t stop until the entire army had been added to the contents of my stomach. Then, I went on my way. I explored the twisted tunnels for a few more hours, and though I would occasionally find a stray kobold or ‘Magma Kobold’ as I’d learned from this pop-up. The leader was also a variant, as I also received a pop-up for him.

  You
have eaten the following race for the first time. Magma Kobold (Stone Kobold variant) Tier 3

  You have eaten the following race for the first time. Kobold King: Tier 4

  The majority of the creatures appeared to be gone. However, I didn’t believe for a second that I’d seen the last of them, as the few creatures that I’d eaten before couldn’t have mined out this cave if they had a thousand years. I mean, I could fit inside these tunnels with room to spare! The ceiling was easily two hundred feet tall, and the walls were four hundred feet apart. If you add in the fact that these tunnels go on for who knows how many miles… and you’re going to need one hell of an army to mine something this large…. An army, that I just so happened to find.

  * * *

  After growing bored of exploring the tunnels, and getting lost. I turned back and retraced my steps to find my way out. I could do this because after the seventh or eighth time finding the same statue carved into the wall. I began digging a small oval at the end of every path, so I could find my way around. I followed my markers all the way back to the remnants of the army and from there I remembered the path out.

  However, once I’d exited the cave, I realized that the army I’d been looking for had decided to get the drop on me. I looked around at the mass of kobolds that had surrounded the mouth of the cave. Just from looking at them, I couldn’t know the exact number, but if I had to guess… There were thousands, possibly tens of thousands of them. It appeared that because of the variations in rock-like scales and colors. No two kobolds looked exactly the same. However, even with the slight variation in appearance. One kobold stood out from the rest.

  This particular kobold was the same size as the ‘magma’ variant, but instead of burnt orange, this one had rainbow colored scales and didn’t have the stone-like scales. Instead, its scales were smooth and appeared to be very soft… It was also male.

  The rainbow kobold stepped forward with an intense glare on his face and yelled. “You moronic reptile! Do you have any idea what you’ve done!?”

  I shrugged. “Had a nice meal, then explored your caves for a while.” My answer only served to piss him off more, as he screamed and stomped his foot.

  “You fucking asshole!! It took me years to train up that army… Years of being stuck in this body, unable to evolve due to my evolution needing me to take over a kingdom… And you… You kill my elite soldiers!!” Steam began to rise from his body, as his anger increased.

  “Oh… I didn’t realize you needed them that badly. Please, accept my apologies.” I gave him a slight nod to emphasize my point.

  “Your apologies…. That army was my chance to become a human again, you fucking idiot!”

  My mind went blank as I processed his words… Then, a true smile bloomed on my face. The edges of my mouth drew back revealing the fangs and teeth within as I let out a quiet chuckle. “Oh…man…” The smile continued to pull at the edges of my mouth, and I asked. “Are you a ‘hero’?”

  The man puffed out his chest and slammed his fist into it three times. “I am Nargas: Dubbed the devourer by my enemies, Hero to the kobold people, and chosen one of the god of death!” The army behind him loudly cheered. Their voices seemed to cause the ground beneath me to shake.

  I watched the surrounding army while they cheered, and a question popped into my head… “Niabus said only one ‘hero’ could exist at a time, so…. what will happen if I kill every hero that shows up? Will my wife be born earlier or will it not have any effect at all?” I stared down at the ‘hero’… and for every second I did, that question took over more of my focus. Because I really wanted to know the answer.

  Apparently, Nargas didn’t appreciate my ignoring him, in favor of thinking over the question. Because when I finally did focus on him again, his scales had turned a bright red and he was waving his hands through the air.

  “Stop. Ignoring. Me!!” He stomped on the ground, causing the earth to shake and a loud roar to echo throughout the air. The ground continued to shake for tens of seconds, but I didn’t react to it. My size and strength enabled me to easily ignore a minor earthquake… But, it’s what was causing the ground to shake that threw me for a loop… literally.

  A massive hand came out of the ground and wrapped around my tail, then it actually managed to lift me into the air and throw me over two hundred feet. I landed on the unforgiving earth, then slid for over a hundred feet until I came to a stop and lifted myself back up.

  I turned back and glared at Nargas, who was now riding on the shoulder of a colossal creature of stone. It stood at an easy three thousand feet tall and was the size of a mountain… “ Wait…” I focused on the area behind the giant and realized, that it wasn’t just the size of a mountain… It was a mountain!

  “Meet my ‘Stone Gorilla puppet’, you dull creature!” The ‘hero’ yelled. The giant let out a deafening roar as it slammed its fists into the ground. The creature stood hunched over with its long arms and short legs both being used to support its weight. Long ‘fangs’ lined its mouth, and glowing red eyes stared at me.

  I stared back at the creature, then at the ‘hero’ who had raised a chair onto the creatures back and was sitting in it, a cruel smirk plastered on his face. “Do you have anything to say before my puppet tears you to pieces?” He asked while folding his arms across his chest.

  I gave him a short nod. “I do, actually.”

  “Let’s hear it. I’m an honorable man, I’ll give you this at least.” His smirk grew even wider.

  I gave him my most ‘innocent’ expression and asked… “With the size of that puppet, I have to ask… Are you overcompensating for something? A feeling of inadequacy perhaps? Or maybe the female lizards won’t sleep with you because of how gaudy your scales are… Oh, I’m sorry. I’m assuming you prefer male lizards, instead? Though, I’ll be honest… You should give up on that dream right now. No male lizard, who’s interested in other males, will ever sleep with you because you look so much like a woman. I mean, I had to double check when I first saw you because I thought you were a woman… And an ugly one at that. Seriously, I’ve seen a three-eyed shark that was prettier than you, and believe me when I say… That was the ugliest thing I’d ever seen… Well, until you, that is.

  And what’s with that name of yours?” I puffed myself up, in an attempt to imitate him. ”I’m Nargas the Devourer, Hero of the kobold people, and chosen one, of the god of death!“ I went back to normal, all the while maintaining eye contact with him. “Seriously, Narg… May I call you Narg? It’s like a thirteen-year-old human came up with your name… What, was Nargas ‘The Destroyer of worlds’ with double exclamation points taken?”

  I said all of this without allowing him to say a word, and the entire time I was speaking, he continued to get angrier with every passing insult… The result?

  “I’m going to fucking take you apart Piece. By. PIECE!!” The smirk was long gone off his face, and his scales had been dyed the color of blood. His eyes seemed to glow with rage and he threw out his arm, causing the puppet to charge at me.

  “Well, here comes the fun part.” I charged up the jewel and held my ground.

  The puppet rushed at me like an angry bull: Head down, in a full sprint. And as soon as it was close enough… I ducked my head down and fired directly into its face. The force of the shot drove my head into the ground… But, unfortunately, Nargas had ordered the puppet to jump to the side at the last second, so all I managed to damage was its left arm.

  However, that wasn’t all I was aiming for. The shot flew past him and impacted the ground in the middle of the kobold army. Thousands died from the impact and subsequent explosion, which served to infuriate Nargas even more.

  “You Bastard!” He snarled at me.

  I tilted my head to one side, as I dodged a swipe from the puppet. “Why do you keep cursing at me?” I asked while ducking under another swipe and winding through the puppets legs. “If you put half as much effort into finding a boyfriend, as you do cursing at me… You may have got
ten laid by now.” I asked from directly behind the puppet.

  Nargas screamed in rage and the puppet attempted to backhand me, but I charged up another blast and took off its other arm at the elbow. The puppet howled in apparent pain, and Nargas screamed. “I’m going to kill you!!”

  I let out a laugh and said.“You know… It’s funny because I thought you were already going to do that~” the puppet lifted up its left foot and attempted to stomp on me, but I moved around it and wrapped myself around its waist. I then used my weight to throw the creature off balance. The puppet fell onto its back, and Nargas was sent flying off.

  Without its master there to control it, the puppet became inert. I charged up a final blast and sent it directly into the puppet’s face, causing its head to explode and its body to begin dissolving… I looked over to where Nargas had landed… only to notice that he wasn’t there.

  “Do… Do you know why they call me the devourer?” I heard from just beneath my head.

  I glanced down and saw Nargas: who was beaten and bloody. Reaching out to touch me, and as soon as he did… a pressure instantly attacked my mind.

  “They call me the devourer… Because I devour the ‘heart’ and souls of my enemies!” The pressure increased a hundred-fold and I almost fainted… Until Nargas said.

  “Oh ho… What’s this then?” He paused as he went through something that had appeared in his mind… Then, he began laughing. “I can’t believe it *Laughs* You want to marry an elf? Please, a monster like you will never be able to make her happy.” The cruel smirk reappeared on his face. “But, a hero like me?… I think I can make her a very happy woman indeed~”